I have had such a good day today

I started my day by sleeping in. I woke up to my husbands arms wrapped around me ( and if you are someone who know me you know we dont usually even sleep together due to him working third shift so this was a nice wake up surprise). Shortly after getting up and getting moving we (the husband, Em, and Noma) decided to go get some lunch. One sighted person (my husband) guiding three blind woman. Man did I snag me a good one. He was so patient with us. One of the big reasons I love him. After we ate we decided we would go swimming(the girls and I). It was so much fun. We had the music going, we swam laps, danced (kinda) in the water. All in all it was great. My muscles are not to happy about it but that's ok. Since then I have come back to my room worked on some dishes, took at little power nap, brailled my little sis Kamie Jo a letter, and texted A LOT with my sister Rachel. SHE ASKED ME TO BE A BRIDESMAID!!!! I'm over the moon excited. I know it's not till late next year but as soon as she told me the criteria for the dress, color and length off on an internet serch I went. I kept my fingers crossed that the websites would give a good enough description that I could imagine the dresses in my head, and for the most part it did. I emailed about 10-15 dresses for my sis to look at for me, since she will be acting as my eyes on this decision. And then there's the footwear. BOOTS!!! I have always wanted a pretty pair of boots. Now I have to just find a pair that I love that will fit and won't cause my husband to have an annyorism. I found two pair so far that I LOVE but are a little (or a lot) out of my price range. LOL! Did I say I'm excited?!?!?! Well I am! Now to slow my role so I can get ready for bed. I have Dining in the Dark tomorrow. Which I am also EXCITED about!!! I believe this will be such a good experience for me! I hope you all had a wonderful day! *D*

I'm on the fence today

So, I woke up dragging a bit, but that's expected when you stay up to late. Once I got going I was feeling pretty good emotionally. Now my mood is going back and forth. I am pretty sure I am on caffeine overload right now (2 cups of coffee and a Mt.Dew Kickstart before 9 a.m.). I am in a good mood/fabulous mood till I hear a certain person open their mouth. I have a small tolerance when people are talking meanly about other people. Especially people who are my friends. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but don't stand there and talk poorly about them when they are sitting right there (this person was encrypting what they were saying just enough that who he was talking about didn't realize that it was about them). It is taking me reminding myself that I'm going to have a fabulous day and they are not worth my time to not open my meanness up on them. I just keep telling myself "Breathe D" . I am not going to let this ruin my day. I will do my best in each of my classes and end the day on a high note. We don't have classes tomorrow so I plan on spending the day hanging with the girls, swimming, working out and practicing my braille. I hope everyone has a great day!!! *D*

I had a pretty good day

First hour was pretty uneventful. I played around on the internet in A.T. lab. Asking queations when I got stuck or had trouble with something. My second and third hour at school today I conquered a fear today and I am so excited. I have never been crazy about escalators. I have always had a fear I would miss the step whether it was going up or down and fall and be horribley hurt. Well today during mobility we did a leason how to safely ride the escalator. I can proudly say I did it. I did not have a huge panic attack or fall. I did however have to remind myself to breathe once I made it onto the moving contraption. I felt so good after completing my lesson today. Fourth hour I had manual skills and I was able to complete the wood burning on the spice rack I am building. On one side it says special and on the other side it says spices. Once I completed the wood burning I was able to stain it. I stained it mahagany (sp?) to match the basket I just finsihed weaving and staining. I had fun. One of the volunteers were there today and he always jokes around with me. Fifth hour I had Independent Personal Management, this is where I clean up the room we eat lunch and have our breaks (we call it the socialization room). This usually takes me maybe 5-10 minutes so for the rest of the hour I tried to sit and concentrate on memorizing braille. Sixth hour I had Braille. I did not read today but brailled sentences instead. I am still not remembering all that I need to but I will. I know I can do this. No one is perfect and I should stop expecting perfection from myself, and just accept that I do the best job that I can. I am determined to make tomorrow just as good as today. I will overcome this dumpiness I have been experiencing and start being my happy self again. I hope you all have a great rest of the day! *D*

My day will be what I make it

I woke up this morning with a lighter heart. I had a emotionally draining day yesterday and I let it get the better of me. I shouldn't have let it but hey what can I say, I'm human, live and learn. I am determined to make this day a great one. I am going to work hard on my braille, work hard on staying positive, and expel all the negative thoughts out of my mind. I know I have such an awesome support system between my husband, family, two best friends, and my Bosma family. I am working on a plan for my life. I am determined to make something of myself. It will take time (approximately 6 years, I know wow) but I have faith in myself. I can do this. I can conquer. I need to learn to not set my goals so high that I am setting myself up for disappointment when I can't or don't reach them. I need to be more realistic. I love myself. Some people might say hmm, that is a weird declaration, but what they don't understand is that I have hated/been unhappy with myself for so long that saying that is a big step for me. I love the progress I have made while being here at Bosma, the progress I have made emotionally and mentally as well. I am in a better place, and I am thankful for that. I may slip up and have a bad day but that is okay. Everyone is entitled to a pooey day once in awhile.

All over the place today.....

Today I woke up feeling really down. Worthless you could say. It's like I've hit this wall in where I want my life to go. The "voices" are telling me how I'm going to fail. Disappoint. Lose people important to me because of the choices I'm making for my life. I just want them to shut up. I don't want to cut to feel better. I'm fighting the urges. Fighting hard. Fingers crossed I make it through the day. I know I can do this. I've done it before. I have to find my strength. My core to anchor to.

My Daily Struggles

April 10, 2013

Today, and the few days prior to today have been a struggle. I have some big decisions  I am making in my life. I struggle with upsetting/disappointing people. When I feel these struggles I find myself wanting to cut. I have pretty much made the decision to move to Indianapolis which is 3 hours from my family. I continuously worry that they are going to be upset and disappointed that I am making this decision. And I don't know if I can handle that. In turn, I think if I just cut I will feel better. I can bleed out my worry, the stress, and the hurt. Give my brain something else to focus on for awhile.
I have to battle through. I am 6 months and 10 days clean off cutting and I know I can make it although it will be a struggle. I worry I am not strong enough to win the battle. I have have been trying to remember to use my positive affirmations. But along with though I have to be willing to believe them and obsorb them into my life. I will make it I will conquer. Today will get better. I have a feeling I will be tearing paper a lot today (this is a coping skill of mine, everybody has different skills and this is one of mine).