April 10, 2013
Today, and the few days prior to today have been a struggle. I have some big decisions I am making in my life. I struggle with upsetting/disappointing people. When I feel these struggles I find myself wanting to cut. I have pretty much made the decision to move to Indianapolis which is 3 hours from my family. I continuously worry that they are going to be upset and disappointed that I am making this decision. And I don't know if I can handle that. In turn, I think if I just cut I will feel better. I can bleed out my worry, the stress, and the hurt. Give my brain something else to focus on for awhile.
I have to battle through. I am 6 months and 10 days clean off cutting and I know I can make it although it will be a struggle. I worry I am not strong enough to win the battle. I have have been trying to remember to use my positive affirmations. But along with though I have to be willing to believe them and obsorb them into my life. I will make it I will conquer. Today will get better. I have a feeling I will be tearing paper a lot today (this is a coping skill of mine, everybody has different skills and this is one of mine).
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